I got this letter today from a dear sweet reader in Chile who’s struggling with her breakup:
“Hi Ellen, here’s the deal. I dated a friend’s brother a while ago. We were doing soooo well, but then the summer came (I live in Chile) and he went to his hometown. In the beginning, everything was cool, we talked everyday, he called me everyday… He even called me after new year to wish me a happy new year. And the next day he told me he wasn’t coming back in town for like two months, and decided to break up and stop talking to me… It’s been over a week now and I’m doing fine but I can’t help being sad about the situation, because it all ended in the blink of an eye and I really don’t understand why… I sometimes think that we may be together again when he returns but I don’t want to get my hopes up (even if I can’t help it)… I don’t know what to do. Everyone tells me to forget him (at least for the summer) and see what’s up when he’s back in town. What do you say? Thanks!”
Dear Chile Chica,
Girl, I TOTALLY understand how you feel!
And it feels like shit. Men pull away, and you’re left wondering what the hell their problem is and why they left you. (Because it would take a effing idiot to leave your badass self.)
It’s absolutely painstaking.
But good for you for reaching out to me. You’re brave and you’re a fighter.
Don’t give up.
As for what I think about the situation…
I have a question for you…
How does this man make you FEEL?
Not when you met, not the first time you made love, not before he broke up with you….but RIGHT NOW.
How does this man make you feel RIGHT NOW?
Because you deserve to feel happy and to feel loved and this IS NOT how he’s making you feel RIGHT NOW.
Right now is what you have. Right now is all any of us will ever have.
Right now is not then. Right now is not when he gets back in two months. Right now is not when and if he happens to want you back after the summer is over.
Right now, my dear sweet friend, is all about YOU.
What I want you to do is this:
Think about how you feel RIGHT NOW. There are no right or wrong answers. Write it down on a piece of paper.
Notice how you feel as you write down your thoughts and emotions.
Examples: Confused. Discarded. Unworthy. Alone.
FEEL everything in your body. Notice how awful it feels!
Next, write down how you WANT to feel and how you WANT A MAN to make you feel.
Examples: Loved. Important. Safe. Adored. Etc…
Notice how all of THESE emotions feel in your body, and how different they feel than the other negative ones you might be experiencing right now.
Life is all about how we feel, and we have the choice to choose people who make us feel GOOD instead of BAD.
I challenge you to get to know yourself, what you want, and how you want to feel in the presence of the man you’re with.
Don’t ever compromise your feelings or what you desire to feel ever again.
When you stay true to yourself and what you want to feel, you will give off those feelings all the time, thus attracting a man who will give them back to you- who’s ready to give them back to you.
And the world is abundant in men who are just DYING to make you feel the way you want to feel.
Dating is like “trying on” another person and how they make you feel.
It’s a process. And the very cool thing is that YOU GET TO DECIDE who’s worthy of you and your love.
AND… you’ve got to trust the process.
It’s also a process of self-actualization and personal growth.
I challenge you to also grow from this and become a more brilliant version of yourself.
So…What are YOUR thoughts? Please leave a comment below! I can’t wait to read it and reply back to you.
Author | Speaker | Relationship Coach
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