Yesterday, I had a free coaching consult with a reader who can’t stop thinking about her ex.
It’s certainly familiar to me. And, to be quite honest, this is what pissed me off when I was trying to get over my ex– the fact that I had given my ex so much of my precious time during the relationship (and way too much time waiting for him to change), and now, after being dumped, I was continuing to give him even more time after it too.
So, when this reader shared that she can’t stop thinking about her ex, I asked her to be more specific. I asked her to think for a moment about what percentage of each day she still thinks about her ex- any thoughts at all. Thoughts of the past. Thoughts of where he is now or who he might be with. Thoughts of what he did or didn’t do while they were together, or what he did or didn’t ever say.
Her realization? An astounding 30-40%. She still spends 30-40% of her day thinking about her ex. And, what’s even more astounding, is that you very well could be doing this too.
I, however, don’t find this astounding at all. I think that this is more common than any of us care to realize. We just haven’t ever thought about it before. We haven’t ever quantified our negative thinking and realized how much time + energy we use thinking about things that don’t serve our highest and best selves.
And (clearly) thinking about your ex for 30-40% of your day is not serving your highest and best self. It’s serving heaps of insecurity and self-doubt to you instead. Insecurity and self-doubt that not only weigh you down, but take up residence inside of you, too.
Although I don’t find this percentage astounding, what I do find astounding is the fact that most of us spend more time thinking about ex after a breakup than we do most anything else- sleeping, working, spending time with loved ones, exercising, etc.
Imagine if you spent 30-40% of your time after a breakup taking care of yourself (your mind + body + spirit) instead of thinking about your ex. Chances are you’d be the hottest catch in town. Chances are you’d need an assistant just to book all your new hot dates. Chances are your ex would never forgive himself for letting your hot ass go, either.
So, ask yourself these questions today:
1) How much time everyday do I still spend thinking about my ex?
2) What brilliant things would I rather be thinking about or doing instead?
Be honest with yourself. There are no right or wrong answers- just reference points for you to evaluate, make changes, and move forward.
So…What are YOUR thoughts? Please leave a comment below! I can’t wait to read it and reply back to you.